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Meet
Laurie Who Lost 113 pounds on Weight Watchers!
I've been overweight my entire life. I've always kept a diary, and my first entries along the lines of "I'm upset because I can't stick to my diet" started when I was 8 years old. Although I was never more than 30 pounds overweight, I felt inferior to all my peers, because I was "fat". Looking back on it, no one in school EVER made fun of me because I was overweight, unless it was behind my back, and I never knew. But knowing how cruel children can be to each other, I kind of doubt I would have missed it if I had been the butt of jokes (pardon the pun!). So, the bottom line is, I always made more of it than it actually was. My parents (both overweight) were (and still are) forever "dieting", and then overeating at night, at restaurants, etc. - talk about conflicting signals!! For as long as I can remember, my entire sense of "self" has been determined by my weight. The eating disorders started when I was 15 (1979). I joined WW for the first time, and went from 150 to 120 (my goal at the time) by crash dieting - I weighed in every week at WW, but I was not following the program. I then continued to lose weight down to 95 pounds (I stopped going to meetings, so WW never knew). And then, panic set in - my parents insisted I was anorexic. I still don't believe I was -- I was just terrified of not losing weight anymore. To me, that meant I would get "fat" again. I went away that summer (before senior year of high school) on a youth trip, and I believe the change in "scenery" (i.e., getting away from my parents for a while) got me out of the still-losing-weight rut. However, I promptly put back all the weight I had lost, and some. I won't bore you with the details, but since that first "successful" diet, I have been a "yo-yo" dieter to the extreme. Losing up to 95 pounds, and then gaining over 120, etc. Just to give you an idea of the highs and lows since High School: 150 --> down to 95 --> up to 175 --> down to 120 --> up to 180 --> down to 85 --> up to 175 --> down to 110 --> up to 235 --> down to 160 --> up to 241 --> down to 128 (and this is the LAST time). Pretty scary, huh? Keep in mind that each swing from low to high never took more than 2 years. I am truly blessed that a) I can still lose weight, considering the hell I've put my body through, and b) looking at me, you can't tell that I was ever overweight (I have stretch marks on my abdomen and hips, but they have faded so that you can hardly see them). Joining WW this Last Time During each pregnancy, I actually LOST weight (going from 235 to 195 for Tommy, and 235 (the weight I seem to "gravitate" to) to 210 with Rebecca). That's because I was so afraid that my obesity would endanger the baby, I watched my fat intake very carefully, and made healthy food choices. However, after Rebecca was born, and my weight gravitated back to 241, I thought to myself "I don't want my baby growing up watching her mother either binge or crash diet. I don't want her growing up without a role model." I also wanted to be a Mommy that my son could be proud of. So, on the spur of the moment, when Rebecca was 4 ½ months old, I rejoined WW. Since I had started and quit WW so many times in the past (both with and without reaching goal), I went in with the "I don't think this is going to work" attitude. However, during that first meeting, a woman got up who had lost 78 pounds. For some reason, I had this realization that I was completely CAPABLE of making this happen. All I had to do was follow the simple "rules" of the program. I knew, that one year from that date (7/1/98), I would be sitting in that same seat THIN. I would be able to show everyone my ribbon (pre-bookmarks), filled with 10 (at least) 10-pound stars (this was before the 5-pound stars were given out). I saw that vision of myself so clearly, that it was REAL. I KNEW it was going to happen. Not only did I completely believe that I was GOING to do it, but I also made up my mind that it was going to be EASY. I was not going to suffer/crash diet/deprive myself. I was going to be HAPPY with what I was eating. I was not going to complain. I was going to LOVE the program. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I consciously said to myself "I'm going to ENJOY this", and "it is going to be EASY"!! I guess this is related to the "power of positive thinking", but the fact is - I DO ENJOY IT, and it IS easy!! The bottom line is, I MADE UP MY MIND to LOVE THE PROGRAM. And it was self-fulfilling. The
Future So, here I am - "thin" once again. So what makes me think I'm going to keep it off THIS time??? Let me tell you, when I first reached my WW Goal (135) in Nov '99, I wasn't sure at all I was going to be able to keep it off - after all, I have NEVER been able to do that in the past! So, as certain as I was that I was going to LOSE the weight, I was just as UNCERTAIN that I would be able to keep it off. Again - a self-fulfilling prophecy! So, between Nov '99 and March '00, I was floundering - my "old" eating behaviors came back immediately. I gained 10 pounds, and was sure I was on the inevitable climb back up to my starting weight (and beyond)!! And then - I found the BCB's!! And I realized two things -- 1) Maintenance is just MORE OF THE SAME!! I need the "boundaries" that WW sets for us just as much in Maintenance as I did when I was losing weight, and 2) red-light foods are red-light foods NO MATTER WHAT I WEIGH. I can't go near them without bingeing, and that hasn't changed. One day, I may try to work on this, but I don't miss them enough to even worry about trying. For me, it isn't worth the risk of gaining all that weight back. And finally, the
support and inspiration I get here has been key to keeping my focus,
motivation, and discipline. I try not to become too dependent upon
you guys, because I need to be able to keep this weight off with
or without you. But for as long as the BCB's are around (which,
I hope, will be FOREVER), I will be here.
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