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Guest lafnsing

Not-Guilty Your Honor

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Guest lafnsing

My memory's fading. I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I chose

a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs

and conversations were so comfortable that before long I'd totally

forgotten why I was there and asked the man. "So...what are you here


Talk about a showstopper.

Dead silence just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced my name in her best

baritone voice. I thought, "Great..a name to match the idiot."

I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the angel of no mercy.

Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Tawyna !" This perky

clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side

and crooned, "Allll I need you to do is step into this room right

hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything


I'm thinking, " Tawyna ...try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Tawyna skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy,

but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly

healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds.

Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's

Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch

piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. With the right side

finished, Tawyna flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm.

Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get

everything?" Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of

air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and

finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity

when we heard, then felt, zap! Complete darkness.

"What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Tawyna headed for

the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted.

Tawyna kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's wide

open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

Before I could shout "NO" she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire,

found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the Jaws of Life.

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or

possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbefief, if I knew the power was

off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as

possible. "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd

been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Tawyna breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making

no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry!

The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I

went to lunch. Are we upset?"


And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the


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Now, that's funny!!

Remember, we're all in this together...I'm pulling for you!

Red Green


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the rest to God



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Guest Navarican

Not guilty by reason of extreme provocation!!! Next case!


I loved it!

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printing off to take to work.....


SW 310

GOAL 12/4/07

Proud to a Vegan WW.

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Michael Pollan

"Well, it seems to be working for me." Dr Michael Culmer

"Nuts are in hard shells for reasons." Dr John McDougall

"The salad IS the main course." Dr Joel Fuhrman

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Now that is funny..can't wait to share it.


HW 249

SW 222

CW 213

GW 145

I simply refuse to give up :)

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