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Jasper and the unbaked yeast rolls

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Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls



We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in

the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For

those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption,

imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing

about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will

only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to

my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss

on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I

should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him

of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for

several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.


Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost

of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue

AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended

family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most

of the time. I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my

famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did



I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven

hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole

darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the

decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am.

Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.

Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint

#586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the

living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I

decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.. An hour

later the rolls were ready to go in the oven.


It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the

pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I

called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality.

He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination

of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up

in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks

were bloated.


I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of

uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,

however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the

rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would

like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.

Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was

black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him

onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking the dog would be

all better by morning was very stupid on my part.


We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog

out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a

sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling

flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his

front half was going one direction and the other half was either

dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee

at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our

back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running

into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as

a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet

(second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast

had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He

assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it

would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him

Pepto Bismol.


Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded

him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first

Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of

Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly

secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from

the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I,

we took off. Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs

burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of

risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were

pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in

a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of

it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked

rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We

endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't

live any further away than she did.


Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the

door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving

meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all

morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my

drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest

endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as

the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was

no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12

risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a

concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system

is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a

mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having

discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up

in the car so we could hose down the floor.


This was another naive decision on our part.. The blast of

water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on

the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like

Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried

to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going

to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a

coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if

this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state

had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the

garage floor that had to be brushed too.


Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him

home and dropped him off before we left for our second

Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house. I am happy to

report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both

in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer

tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy

to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast

rolls hidden inside my closet door.


It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of

them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad

idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to:


"How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet."


And how was your day?


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Laughing!! Just another prime example of "no one could make THAT one up!!"

Remember, we're all in this together...I'm pulling for you!

Red Green


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the rest to God



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I am sitting here 11:00 pm. all by myself laughing my fool head off.


I have got to send this to a dog group I belong to. If I can find an old Dog In Elk story I will have to post it.





Fifty down!!!!! 178/128/120

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