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Guest kcityroller

Rules For Living In The South

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Guest kcityroller

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before

breakfast than you do all week at the gym.


2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're

going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color

don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.


4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.


5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for

those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.


6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their

final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to

your ear at the time.


8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it

rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham

and turkey.


9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You

want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of water.


10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.


11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.


12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.


13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat

(yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.


14. We don't do "hurry up" well.


15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil

them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.


16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You

really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.


17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?

Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.


18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on

them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of

Wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.


19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season.

Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before

daylight at the church on either day.


20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being

friendly. Understand the concept?


21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks

the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have

these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.


22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.


23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

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