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I'm Not Worried Anymore

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Over the past few months, I have spent a lot of time worrying about my weight, my appearance, my health. What will so-and-so think when they see me? What if that size doesn't fit me? What if I'm the biggest person in the room?


Last night, I was talking with my mother and describing the dinner I was cooking. "That sounds healthy," she said. "Yeah, well, I need to shrink the size of my rear end," I replied. "That's good," she said, "it's hard to stay slim." "True, but I'm not worried," I lied, ever-flippant.


Her reply: "Good. You're eating healthy and exercising. There's no reason to worry." It took a minute for it to sink in, but there it was. There's no reason to worry. This from my mother, who has been concerned about my weight for a long time now, and has communicated that to me. She's right, buddies -- there's no reason to worry.


Worrying and self-judgement make our task of losing weight a thousand times more difficult than it already is. Many of us are emotional eaters and use food to comfort ourselves when we are feeling down. So, we eat something we "shouldn't," then judge ourselves for eating that food, then call ourselves names like "gross" and "disgusting," then we "hate" and "feel ashamed" of ourselves, then eat for more comfort because we think we're such horrible people. It's a vicious cycle. I see these self-judging words almost every single day here at BCB, sometimes from myself directed at myself, and that is sad. Food is not a moral issue. I am not "gross" or "disgusting" for eating any type of food, be it celery or cheesecake, nor should I "hate" myself for eating. It's just food.


Yes, being overweight has its fair share of harships, many of which we write about here. We worry about poor health stemming from excess weight, rude comments from others, difficulties finding clothes in the proper sizes, not fitting into seats on airplanes and rollercoasters, feeling unattractive to our partners, the list goes on and on. We know it's hard to be overweight. But we shouldn't worry. Why?


We're doing something about it. If we're eating healthy (OP) and exercising, the weight will eventually come off. Yeah, we've got to tweak a little to maybe get the right balance of foods, or we've got to ramp up our motivation to exercise, or maybe we're on a plateau, but in the end, we're trying every day and we're succeeding. That counts for so much. Worrying and judging and berating have no place in this scenario. Ate something you didn't plan on? Figure it out and move on. Gain weight this week? Take note, learn how to prevent it next week, move on. Worrying is tiring, buddies, and we sometimes spend so much time worrying and judging that we miss out on the sweet parts of this journey.


Our task is to embrace ourselves for who we are -- because that core essence will be the same both now and after we reach goal. I see buddies write about their confidence and sense of self after losing weight. It may be true that weight loss better allows us to feel those things, but those things were there, have been there, all along, just waiting for the opportunity to emerge.


I'm not sure exactly why I was moved to write this post, except to tell you all that I'm not worried. I'm not worried about my BMI, or my pants not fitting, or the fact that I can't run a marathon yet. I'm just going to keep on doing my OP thing -- without worrying or judging -- and the rest will come with time. I'm not worried anymore -- are you? :salut

Suzie :salut

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