Newbie in Portland, OR - How to deal with unsupportive boyfriend?

[imkatydid 10]

Hi everyone. I just started WW after my parents both lost 45 lbs. (mom) and 65 lbs. (dad) and have kept it off for over a year now. I need to lose about 65 lbs. myself (current weight 195). So, here I am...and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with an unsupportive partner? My guy, with whom I live, is at his ideal weight and while he doesn't object to me doing WW, he isn't really helping me in the process either (ie: he unabashedly eats junk food around me, complains about the meals I'm now making, tells me I look "fine just the way I am", etc...) I have explained how important this is to me (I have heart disease in my family, want to look & feel better about myself), and he shares in the cooking/shopping, so it's not as simple as telling him he'll eat what I prepare. I should also mention that I'm 33 and he's 26...so he also isn't as concerned about his health as I am. Any advice out there?? I'm hoping this group will provide the support I'm unable to get from him. :-)

Thanks for reading/listening!!

[dalensandi 0]

WOW! I don't know what to say... I'm in the same boat as you. DH is very heavy though and should be doing this with me. Instead he eats anything AND everything. He just does not care.

 

It's hard to do this when you see someone else eating something that you know,

A. Isn't good for you

B. Is empty calories

C. Just isn't worth the points

Sometimes I slip and end up eating what he has but most-of-the-time, I am in control.

I guess that's what you have to tell yourself over and over.

Ok, that's good advice for both of us.

Say it with me: "I AM IN CONTROL"

Your BF should be happy you are even cooking for him. I tell my family if they don't like it then they can cook from now on.

Hope this helps and I hope someone else has suggestions for us. LOL

Sandi

[Mt_Native_Man 10]

There is an old notion in the recovery community that until you are ready to do this for yourself you won't be successful at staying clean and sober.For me, the same applies to my food/health challenges. For years, my doctor, family and friends have all preached healthy living - while my brothers and me sat across the restaurant table and stuffing our faces with high fat, high calorie foodstuffs.

 

And that our choices define who we are.

 

The last time I was with my brothers was at my Mother's funeral and we really did sit at a restaurant but this time I was eating oatmeal, fruit and whole wheat toast and they were gorging on sausage, eggs, and hasbrowns. I bunked with my younger brother who is diabetic and on insulin and got to watch him administer his insulin which was the first time I had ever seen somebody do that.

 

My older brother is in the same boat - doing the insulin thing. These bad examples reinforced what I was doing in trying to life a healthy lifestyle. They were a perfect mirror of who I could be if I went down the same path they were on.

 

I believe you give your power to other people if you let them influence you in the wrong way.

 

Take back your power!!

[mrss 10]

Eat healthier snacks that you enjoy and that don't make you feel deprived when he's snacking on his junk foods. Buy junk foods that he likes but that you don't like. As for the meal complaints, look for ways to compromise. Sometimes when I make spaghetti, I'll give my family the pasta, but I'll eat spaghetti sauce over mushrooms, tomatoes and parm. cheese. It tastes like spaghetti but saves calories.

 

Losing weight isn't only about looks and self confidence. It's also about health! That gets more important as we age. Ultimately, it's your body, your health, your choices. What do you truly want? Ask yourself that when faced with a tough situation. Thin people can be fat on the inside. Just losing 10 percent of your weight and exercising can improve your health on the inside, so keep going! Find a support group here and post often. We're glad to have you.

[justmichelle 10]

I can so totally relate to this post. Sabotage by a loved one. I blamed DH for making me fat because he started doing about half the cooking and shopping. Even his "healthy" dishes aren't that healthy after he's added oils, sauces and cheese to them, all things I NEED to reduce. He makes big rancher breakfasts on the weekends just like his Mom and Grandma used to make. If he gets home late, he'll swing by a fast food restaurant and grab something for both of us, even if I've already eaten dinner for the night. If I tell him NO I don't want to eat that, he says a little bit isn't going to hurt me. Um, yes, obviously it has or I wouldn't be overweight and worried about health issues!!!

 

I don't know. I think he equates feeding me as being an expression of love. Plus, we've got three boys and we know what teenaged boys like to eat. No excuses, though. Nobody puts the food in my mouth except me. Nobody prevents me from exercising except me. If it's important to me, I need to make time for it.

 

So... I've been keeping a lot of fruits, veggies and whole grains in the house. I switched us to skim or low fat dairy products. We buy much leaner cuts of meats now, plus more poultry and seafood. I stock up when there are really good sales so it's affordable. I made some of the WW recipes for my lunches last week but my guys ate a bunch of it, too. I keep jugs of suntea, Crystal Light and water in the fridge at all times. Precut and prewash fruits and veggies. He BBQs a lot, so I make salads, fruits and sides dishes that are healthy. On the weekends, I'll make healthy versions of certain recipes plus a lot of fruits.

 

Sometimes if I have enough points left, I'll have a small portion of whatever he's having. Rarely, though. He knows I won't eat anything fried or breaded. Lucky for me, he is trying to make healthy changes, too. He just doesn't realize how many calories and fat grams are in some of the foods he eats. I did get upset with him and told him to quit shoving food in my face, though.

[Vanne 10]

Welcome Imkatydid! Congratulations on taking the first step to a healthier you...I'm sorry you found out so early in the game that there are people in your life who will try to sabotage your efforts, but don't let him do that to you!!!

 

The only thing I have to add to the great advice that has already been given here is to be tenacious. Do not give up, do not give in, do not sacrifice what you want the most for what you want at the moment. Easier said than done, to be sure, but YOU CAN DO IT.

 

We will definitely give you support--and it sounds like your M&D will too since they've been through it...So anytime he is giving you grief, just walk over to the computer & log on. We're here for you.

 

Good luck.

[imkatydid 10]

Thanks for all the advice! I really appreciate it...I'm sure once the pounds start coming off, it will be much easier. My parents live 3,000 miles away so we're kind of on our own out here, but I have taped up lots of pictures of both me and them as inspiration.

 

Thanks again!!

 

______________

 

SW: 203 (May 8, 2007)

CW: 195

10%: 182.7

GW: 130

 

[Kosciusko 10]

It may help to keep in mind that there are various types of "unsupportive." For just a few examples ...

 

He may be concerned about how these changes will affect him personally - will there be less snacks in the house? Less of his favorite meals? Fewer meals out together? These are legitimate concerns for our loved ones and ones that are fair to address.

 

He may be concerned that your focus will shift from the topics you both are interested in to one that you are now really interested in, but he is not-so-much. People who are not "into" WW can get tired of hearing about it and there can be a disconnect, especially in the beginning when someone is newly focused on it, while others have, understandably, little interest. (That's one reason we visit BCB.)

 

He may be concerned that you will become less interested in him and more interested in or of interest to others. Some times our loved ones need some reassuring that not only are we happy that they love us, no matter what our shape or size, but that we love them, no matter what our shape or size.

 

I could go on and on ... let me jump to saying that there is a big difference between (1) lack of interest, (2) lack of support, (3) his own concerns/fears, and (4) active sabotage (which I believe is rare). If you are talking about any of the first three, I think it's part of the relationship to work through the issues and that being understanding when one person makes a big change is a two-way street paved with lots of love.

 

Kos

[mrss 10]

Kos, awesome advice.