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Paris Madeleine

Memo to Dog & Cat

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Dear Dog and Cat,

 

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food...(Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not

the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize

space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the

same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order

is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

 

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

 

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

 

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college.


273.8/266.8/164

restart 1 November 14

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Dear Dog and Cat,

 

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food...(Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not

the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize

space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the

same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order

is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

 

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

 

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

 

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college.


273.8/266.8/164

restart 1 November 14

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Paris, this is wonderful and so true. I have to get a larger bed soon, I know. I will hold a meeting and let them know that it is a priority. Lying straight across my small corner of the bed, the corner which is left to me, will not make the larger bed get here any faster.

And although I have no need to post the pet information for non-pet owners in my house, since I only invite people who can tolerate my Jimmy, Dinah, Pepper and Slash (the first two being annoying little dogs whom only a mother could love, and I do)I will print it out and add:

5. Unlike your children, mine have lovely fur coats.

kd


Kathy

sw= 258 cw=231 gw=141

 

 

 

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Paris, this is wonderful and so true. I have to get a larger bed soon, I know. I will hold a meeting and let them know that it is a priority. Lying straight across my small corner of the bed, the corner which is left to me, will not make the larger bed get here any faster.

And although I have no need to post the pet information for non-pet owners in my house, since I only invite people who can tolerate my Jimmy, Dinah, Pepper and Slash (the first two being annoying little dogs whom only a mother could love, and I do)I will print it out and add:

5. Unlike your children, mine have lovely fur coats.

kd


Kathy

sw= 258 cw=231 gw=141

 

 

 

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Guest lafnsing

I need to make one of those rule signs for my door! This was good, thanks!

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Guest lafnsing

I need to make one of those rule signs for my door! This was good, thanks!

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How this rings true!!!


~Lisa

HW 209

SW 199

CW 178.0

GW 153.0

*********

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

~Buddha

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How this rings true!!!


~Lisa

HW 209

SW 199

CW 178.0

GW 153.0

*********

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

~Buddha

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