How to give a cat & dog a pill...

[Guest Loggerlady]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding

a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and

repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws

tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth

with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse

from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front andrear

paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly

with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler

and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just

visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth

open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to

take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another

beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head

showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat

with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold

compress to cheek check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey

compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt

away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from across the road.

Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine

and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from

shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be

rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down

throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the

emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm

and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home

to order new table.

 

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet

shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

 

1. Put it in a wiener.

2. Toss it in the air.

[Guest Loggerlady]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding

a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and

repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws

tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth

with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse

from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front andrear

paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly

with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler

and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just

visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth

open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to

take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another

beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head

showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat

with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold

compress to cheek check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey

compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt

away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from across the road.

Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine

and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from

shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be

rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down

throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the

emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm

and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home

to order new table.

 

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet

shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

 

1. Put it in a wiener.

2. Toss it in the air.

[twheeler 0]

LOL. That's too funny. And that's exactly how I fed my dog his pills.

[twheeler 0]

LOL. That's too funny. And that's exactly how I fed my dog his pills.

[Momof2pugz 0]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That is soooo funny!!!

[Momof2pugz 0]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That is soooo funny!!!

[Mrs Peterson 0]

I'm a cat lover and even I enjoyed that one. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!

[Mrs Peterson 0]

I'm a cat lover and even I enjoyed that one. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!

[k9dancer 209]

I have had experience at both and have to say that everything is SOOOOO true. Thanks for the laugh.

 

Ann

[k9dancer 209]

I have had experience at both and have to say that everything is SOOOOO true. Thanks for the laugh.

 

Ann