Having a hard time.. hoping someone can help me...

[Cammie-Cam 0]

Please bear with me and read if you can.. this one is gonna be quite long.

 

I joined WW in January of 2007 and by October of that year I had lost 60 pounds, mostly with the points program and working out 6 days a week for at least an hour at a time.

 

Then the holidays came and killed me. Thanksgiving of 07 was horrible. I beat myself up for eating off plan, cried about how much of a failure I was and struggled to get back on track. Christmas was no better... then I went away to Paris for New Years and all that good eating brought me back to the states in January maybe 10 pounds heavier than I was when I left.

 

It's been downhill since then. I tried to continue going to my WW meetings in January of this year, but got more and more disappointed, frustrated and upset when the weight loss stopped. I mean just STOPPED. One pound up one week, one pound down the next and it went that way for MONTHS. I got frustrated and thought maybe WW was no longer working for me and decided to try something new (clean eating, calorie counting and more strenuous workouts), and went off the program. That worked for maybe a month, then I got tired of bring so strict and rigid with my eating and workouts... then the binges began. And haven't stopped. By the time April of this year had come around I had stopped following WW, stopped working out and started binge eating. Between April and today I've gained back 20 of the 60 pounds I initially lost and need help to get back on the WW program.

 

Does anyone have any help or advice for me? Every week I hope for a lightning bolt to hit me that can help me get back the motivation I had and the feelings of accomplishment and pride and happiness I felt back when I was losing the weight, and everyday I feel like a failure because I can't get my eating under control. I'm in graduate school now as well and although I am busier than I was before when I initially lost the weight, I feel like I'm making excuses for myself for why I can't cook or workout, and that makes me feel even worse about myself... like I"m just making excuses.

 

It's like I've forgotten how to eat forgotten how to work the program, forgotten how to work out, forgotten what to do, just everything. My life feels so out of control and I KNOW it has to do with my binge eating and lack of workouts. I'm tired all the time, because my eating is terrible and because I am not working out, but I don't know how I can get started again. Every Sunday I think okay! This is a new week, you can start again! But by the end of the day I've eaten so much, feel bad about myself again and th cycle just continues. I'm so scared that I'm going to gain the weight back, but I don't know what to do.

 

Can anyone help me? Any tips, trick, advice? I'm over here in tears as I write this because I don't want to be a failure, but I just don't know what to do. I even started seeing a therapist for my eating issues, and have been since the spring, but I feel like nothing's helping. I came back to BCB because I'm hoping that between the kicks you guys will be able to offer me some advice that can help me take the steps to getting back on track.

 

Thank you for reading...

[carice 0]

I feel so un-qualified to respond, but I couldn't bear seeing that no one else had responded yet. This is my first post in years! I am like you, I need the help of the BCB! Just hang in. The wise and saged advice that I have been reading for so long will come soon.

Just know that you are NOT alone. Many of us have experienced the same wonderful highs (great losses) and those horrible lows (gaining back). The best part is that we are both back here because we know we can get the support we need. I think you did have that lighting bolt, you came to a place you know will help you re-gain control!

[Guest GrandmaLaura57]

You've taken the first step by posting!! The phrase "Fake it 'til you make it" comes to mind.....

 

There are plenty of options for you. If meetings don't do it for you, try Online. If you stumble, start over right then and there!! Get all the cruddy foods out of your cabinets and refridge. Treat yourself like a "Newbie" and start from day one..... But most importantly, quit beating yourself up for "failing." There is no failure, only feedback!! And keep telling yourself that you're worth it, because you are!!

 

Don't give up!!

[healthierme2007 10]

Okay, I am no wonder of wonders, but I do want to say that you can do this. I've found that when I make working this program easy it is....when I make it hard, it is. Do I think it's a great idea to see a therapist about your eating habits, yes, I do. Clear the air, and start fresh. I still have alot of weight to lose, and just in the past couple of months I've allowed the weight to start creeping up. I've re-gained the same 15 lbs I always regain....I'm tired of it. I'm taking this one meal at a time. I can't even bare to think about one day at a time. I focus on breakfast. What will make a good breakfast.....oatmeal, raisin bran, fruit, yogurt, egg white omelettes. Who am I kidding. You know how to do this, you've done it before. You just have to get in your head that you're going to be OP, and do it. Get OP and stay OP. I can do it too, so let's do it together.

 

Jessica.

[Mrsschu2u 10]

Cammie - first and foremost, you are NOT a failure. As soon as you start framing yourself in this way, you are setting yourself up to not meet your goals. You KNOW that you can do this. You have done it before. Recommitting is a huge step that you have to be ready for. If you only work 10%, it's unreasonable to expect 100% results.

 

It sounds like you are on the right path, you just need to venture a little farther down the road. You are in control of you. That's pretty much all any of us can say in this world. You are also worth the time and work. Try not to focus on the bad yesterdays, but on the good nows and the even better tomorrows.

 

Very best to you. Stick with us!

[gonnabehealthy 10]

on the Fab 40's, there's a "remedial" thread you might find helpful. I'm sorry I don't know how to post links, but the first post in each weekly has links to explain how it started

[DES2 10]

((((Cammie))))

 

It's not so bad! When I first read your post, I thought that you had regained all 60 plus another 10 in between Thanksgiving 2007 and January 2008! See - it could be LOTS worse!!!

 

You've gotten a lot of good advice so far. Start it again like you're doing it for the first time (and maybe with the new program starting this week it WILL be like the first time, with some new things to think about). Give it the careful thought you obviously did when you first started WW. In the past, my leader would suggest that people switch from Flex to Core or Core to Flex to accomplish the same thing - to get them to think more carefully about what they were eating.

 

You're right - you will feel more energized when you get back into exercising regularly. I've sort of let that slip a few times this year, and each time, it seems to feed on itself - you don't exercise because you're too tired, and then you're too tired because you don't exercise. Make a pact with yourself to exercise at least 5 days a week - no excuses, then follow through with it. It will help with your mood, too.

 

Be careful when you're OP and using some of your 35 points or your AP's to have "treats" that are high in points - I've found that even though I'm OP with one, it's too easy to let that one become a trigger. I've also found that it's really easy to let things like that snowball - the first couple may be within your points allowance but I either let it escalate and have too many, or the next day, it makes me hungry for more of the types of high-points foods that I've either eliminated from my food lifestyle or restricted since being on WW. That happened to me around Thanksgiving 2007. I had a little too much on Thanksgiving day, then the next day we were on the road and we ate out at a Mexican restaurant where I got something that was higher points than I should have had, and the third day, someone gave me some Christmas cookies that I felt I should allow myself. I ended up gaining a little weight from that. This year, our Thanksgiving schedule was similar, and although I ate more pointswise than I should have at Thanksgiving dinner, I had saved up points earlier in the week, we ate a relatively points-friendly lunch on the way home, I exercised the evening we got home (and most days since then), and I turned down the Christmas cookies that I was offered. I'm trying really hard not to make the same mistakes I did last year. The lesson I learned (and need to keep practicing) is not to let myself go down that road, but if I do let myself slip, to LIMIT the damages! Don't let the little slip become a big one! Get right back OP and keep on toward your goal. Beating yourself up will be counterproductive.

 

Good luck - you CAN do this - one moment at a time - make the good choices!

[Guest healthydays]

Oh Cammie, I can so relate to where you are! First off. No way are you a failure. Failures do not go to grad school! You are simply someone who deals with life's stresses by eating. The good thing is that you find comfort in that. The bad thing is that it creates additional stress on top of what you are already dealing with and ruins your health.

 

What I suggest is that you restart WW today. Don't wait until the beginning of a week or the beginning of a month or the beginning of 2009. Start today. By the time next week, month, year comes around you will already be feeling better.

 

Second, quit beating yourself up about the past. It's over. It's done. You wouldn't beat up your best friend if she did the same thing. Concentrate only on today and look for the positive things you can find about today.

 

If your WW meeting isn't satisfying you, consider checking into other meetings in your area. You can shop around until you find one that clicks for you. Each leader is different so you may have to shop around a bit to find the one for you.

 

Plan. Plan your menus. Plan your exercise. Remember, the planning is to make life easier on yourself. Don't add extra stress to your life by planning the impossible. Unless you just love exercising then it really is probably not realistic to think you will stick to 1 hour a day 6 days a week from the get go. If this is your goal them it might be wise to work toward it. Maybe start out with 1/2 hour walking 4-5 days a week. What you did in the past is not important. What is important is what you can reasonably stick with now and what will help carry you to goal.

 

Consider posting here every day in one of the forums. I personally post in Delta Force daily but there are other threads out there that are equally inspirational for people. I find that Delta Force not only keeps me accountable but it also supports and inspires me. I just find the other buddies at BCB so positive.

 

Please let us know how you are doing. We understand and we care.

[Guest tinka]

I so understand what you are saying. I also recommend seeing a counselor who specializes in changing behavior. I too was binging out of control and this helped tremendously.

Let us know how things are going.

Tinka

[AmyLynn 0]

Cammie.... with a few little tweaks in the details, your post could have been mine 2 months ago. You are not alone. Many of us can relate to your issues. You never fail till you stop trying. Stop beating yourself up.... our behaviors are the nature of our disease, and just when we think we've got it beat we wind up sabotaging ourselves. It's disheartening to have to keep starting over, but it's better then the alternative.... not starting over and continuing to gain weight and all of the health problems that come along with it. Start today, start now, keep trying, and come here often.

What helps me most is journaling everything I put in my mouth. (every lick, bite and taste). It keeps me focased and accountable.

Hang in there girl.... "WE" can do what "I" can't do alone. There are 51.261 forum members here to help you.

[Laurdee 0]

No, Cammie, you are NOT alone. I don't know anyone who hasn't "been there, done that". Listen to Amy Lynn, your post sounds EXACTLY like hers just a few short months ago. I'm sure your post sounds like MANY~

 

Now, sit down and take a deep breath, and I'll tell you a little bit about me and my experience. Ready?

 

I'm a lifetime member from WAY back (yes, the days of eating liver). Been way down, been way up. Always ended up going back to WW. This time was different (this time being back in Nov, Dec, '07 ish). I couldn't get back on track. I went up, I went down. A lot happened to be in '06-'07, with my mom dying as the main thing. I was always distracted. Always taking care of my family, my dad, my girls (even though they are grown). I had to be the strong one in order to keep everyone else strong. My dad needed me...(he's 88 now). My husband was and still is, my rock. But, he couldn't control what I put into my mouth. I joined a different gym, thinking that would help. Didn't like that gym, didn't go.

 

In January of '08, I stopped going to WW. I had found an amazing leader, and I hated leaving HIM, but I needed to do something else. I found, quite by accident, a nutritionist. I started going to her, and was at my highest weight ever. I also started to see a psychologist, just to talk things out. Between the 2 of them, I started to get my head back on straight. I still go to the nutritionist every now and again, but she feels "I don't need her anymore", and that was downright scary. I did return to WW, 17 lb lighter than when I left.

 

I also joined a different gym. This one was small (the other HUGE), and closer to my home. What I did differently this time was sign up with a trainer. And, I've been with him ever since. What a difference, having someone push you. Having someone acknowledge how far you've come. Having someone be proud of what you've accomplished. He's really made the difference for me. I push, I go, I'm actually loving it, even if I DO call it TORTURE!! I take a couple of classes there, too. Best $$ investment I ever made. Don't get me wrong, personal training is expensive, and not for everyone. But at this point in my life, in my JOURNEY, I needed it, and I'm worth it.

 

Maybe you need to find a different WW meeting. There's the new program starting right now, perhaps that will help motivate you.

 

The one thing I DO want you to stop right now is the I "can't". I hate that word. The more you say it, the more you'll believe it.

 

So, as of right now, this moment, the word CAN'T is out of your vocabulary! Got it?

 

Re-read each of these posts. No one can get you to do something you're not ready to do. Only you can stop the binges. Only you can be accountable for what goes into your mouth. Only you are responsible for the lack of exercise. If you can't join a gym, buy a few workout CDs. There's a TON of them out there. Find something.

 

Come here often. Post often. Try posting when you feel like binging. Just yell HELP, I'm sure someone will be around.

 

Now, I've got to get dressed for work. But, I will be checking in later tonight, and I better see YOU posting!!

 

You can do it. You are worth it. You took the first step in coming here.

 

Laurie:bcb_bravo

[Cammie-Cam 0]

Wow! Thank you all so much for your advice and input. It was so difficult for me to even begin this thread because I was feeling ashamed of myself and afraid to ask for help. I thank you all so much for helping me see the things that are right in front of me, the things that I need to do to help myself get back on track.

 

As I re-read what I posted I do see a recurring theme that I am trying to hard to work on... even my therapist sees it... that I am way too hard on myself. I know I am, I'm just so afraid to become one of those people who blames everyone else for their problems. I think though that for me it's a fine line between being accountable for my actions and beating myself up when I feel like I've failed. I'm trying to get to a point where every thing isn't so black and white, you know? Where it's okay to not be perfect, where it's okay that I've at least tried to do better. I don't think I give myself enough credit for that.

 

In the meantime I've read every single response (thank you thank you thank you!) and am trying to reprogram my mind and start WW again today. I am currently doing etools at the moment. I recently joined a gym, I guess as a way to shake things up, and won't be able to afford the gym and the monthly pass too. Although I'm not a huge fan of counting points, I realize that right now this is the best thing for me because I NEED the structure. I already added to etools everything I plan to eat today, and since I have class tonight, I even made myself a sandwich to take to class with me so I wouldn't be hungry and ready to grab any old thing when class lets out around 8pm.

 

The next few weeks will be busy for me, at work as well as the end of the semester at school, so finding time to get to the gym is difficult. I can't make any promises on that this week, but I will try to find some kind of activity and at least do 30 minutes. That I can do. Once the new semester begins in January and things at work quiet down, it will be easier for me to make time for the gym. I certainly don't want my membership to go to waste.

 

Thank you again for your responses. I knew that if I came here I'd get the advice I needed because I know you all have been there. I will make a commitment to check in on the board if I'm feeling the urge to binge or engage in otherwise unhealthy eating.

[Guest GrandmaLaura57]

We're here for you any time you need us......

 

Just keep telling yourself, "I can do this...."

[musician1 10]

I was having the same problem on a smaller scale.

 

I made the decision to turn around, no matter what it took. I started by doing ONE thing at a time. For instance: the first week, I focused on JUST eating my points. That's it. Make it through the meal, the day, the week. The next week, after I successfully at just my points for the week, I focused on exercising 3 days 30 minutes along with eating my points. The next week I added in my water. And each consecutive week that I successfully did whatever I had did before, I added something new. If I stumbled on one thing, I focused on that each week until I did it successfully.

 

Weight loss is not a race and it's not about being perfect. Focus on what you CAN and DO already instead of what you're failing at. Even one new thing has a ripple effect on our bodies.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!

[Cammie-Cam 0]

Just checking in before I go to bed. I'm okay! The day went well, the planning did help and I felt in control for the first time in months. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I'm gonna plan out my meals for tomorrow right now and just go from there.

 

Thanks again buddies! I can't say that enough! I'm gonna skip over to the 30s section and get to know some of the gals (and guys?) over there...

[Guest GrandmaLaura57]

I'm so glad to hear that you had a good OP day.......

 

Take care!! We're all here for you!!

[Laurdee 0]

Cammie, this is the first time I've had to check in on you. Glad today went well for you. Take it like that...one day...one hour...one meal at a time. You CAN do this. Remember that.

[Cammie-Cam 0]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to update you all on my progress. I have continued to struggle, but have been working very hard this week... one day at a time. I've had a very good 4 days, tracking points and working out every morning, and hope to continue to increase my momentum and do what I need to do to get this weight off once again and KEEP IT OFF once and for all. Coupled with using the strategies in the Beck Diet Solution (which has helped me TREMENDOUSLY!!) I hope to keep going! Thank you all for your concern. I want to be able to stick around and get encouragement and advice from all of you here...