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femisty

Hurtful comments from relatives?

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Hello everyone. I didn't know where to put this one, so I guess I will put it here. Yesterday, I celebrated moving into my normal weight range. For the first time in a very long time, I woud not be considered "officially" overweight by those blasted charts they use at the doctor's office. I felt so good about myself. I decided to take a trip down to spend the afternoon with my grandmother.

 

When I got there, my uncle (who is and has always been morbidly obese) was there. I have not seen him since I began losing weight. His comment to me went something like this, " I hate to tell you this, but you look really bad, especially in your face. What is wrong with you anyway? Do you have cancer?" I wish that I could tell you that I gave a snarky comeback, but truthfully I was shocked.

 

This is the first negative commet I have received so far, and coming from the source, I am sure that it sprung from jealousy of my success so far and not "concern" for my physical well-being. Has anyone else experienced this type of thing?


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt :kickbutt:

 

HW: 232

SW: 187.5

CW: 156.5 :bcb_up

GW: I'm good right here!!!!!

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Guest mom2twingems

Some people just dont think before they speak.

 

If your uncle has always been overweight and it probably comes from a family history maybe the way people look when they are overweight (full face etc.) is all he knows and he thinks is normal.

 

It is amazing what people say sometimes but Ill take that comment. Dont let it get to you. Be proud of what you have accompolished. You are a healthier you...............:salut

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I had one comment like that that was from genuine concern. She looked shocked and then said, "Did you want to lose weight? Or have you lost weight for another reason?..." She looked like she was about to cry, and I'm sure she had had experience with a friend/relative who had lost weight because of illness.

 

That didn't bother me.

 

But a very close friend (I would've even used the term "best"), who hadn't seen me in awhile, saw me and called me SCRAWNY...:bcb_huh:

 

Now of all the things to say.:bcb_down

 

That came from jealousy.

 

(She also said that it came "easy" to me. Uh, I was running in the rain/snow at 5 AM...that hadn't seemed "easy" to me!:bcb_huh: She also said it was HARDER for her to lose weight because her mom had breastfed her "too long"...I'm not kidding; she really said that.)

 

That friendship eventually dissolved.

 

All the comments say more about the PERSON saying them than about YOU.:salut


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I think a lot of things people say are also from ignorance. I was using "The Daily Plate" to track my points & I told a friend what the calories were coming out to and she all but freaked out & accused me of being anorexic! I was shocked b/c she has done WW & got to her goal through it!

 

Now, though, she is using the Daily Plate and sees what her goal points stack up to in calories and she understands now where I was coming from. I felt so lonely at the time, though, when my WW Buddy was giving me slack!

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Stupid, stupid people. The only thing I can say is remember is not what others think of you but what you think of yourself. Don't let them spoil it for you. Enjoy your success.

 

Lasvegasleader

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AFter losing 100 lbs. "DId you cut your hair?" that was to, to funny really!!!:bcb_grin

Yes, people are very strange. My friend ( I guess) said the same to me. You look terrible, your face is so.....drawn,,,you look better with a FULL FACE. OK so she;s about 300 lbs. with a FULL FACE and FULL FIGURE!!!

It takes all kinds of people.


GETTING FAMILY SUPPORT:jump_jack

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Arrgh!

 

I know what you mean. I have gotten a few negative comments that ask if I have cancer or some other auto-immune disease. Sometimes I play and say yes I only have two months to live . . . watch the shock and then say no I won a lifetime battle of bulge.

 

But the vast majority of comments are positive and mark truly the non-scale victories that make you feel so good about yourself when someone recognizes your hard work and change in lifestyle. I also have made it a point to return same when I see someone who has changed for the good.

 

What do they say - got to give it away to keep it?

 

Later.


MO Platoon Member #184

 

This is for life.... :bcb_march

 

SW - 237.8 (March 16, 2006)

 

10% goal - 214.8 (5/18/06)

 

Lifetime goal - 184.0

 

Lifetime goal: 11/30/06 @ 183.2 lbs

 

WW lifetime membership: Jan 11, 2007

 

Current WT: 179.2 (5/5/2012)

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Guest qdesq

But the vast majority of comments are positive and mark truly the non-scale victories that make you feel so good about yourself when someone recognizes your hard work and change in lifestyle. I also have made it a point to return same when I see someone who has changed for the good.

 

What do they say - got to give it away to keep it?

 

Later.

 

Love this...lol. I agree with everyone don't let the negative comment get you down. If anything let it fuel you to get closer to success. Some people in this world don't know what to say to others. My Pastor said in church on Sunday "Hurt people, hurt people." I really liked the quote because it is sooo true. Your uncle is overweight and hurting and instead of praising you he is hurting and he wanted to hurt you. Keep your head up and keep moving in the right direction.

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Thanks everyone! Your reassurance really helped, and all that you have said certainly makes sense. "Hurt people, hurt people" is certainly true, but I had never thought of it that way.


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt :kickbutt:

 

HW: 232

SW: 187.5

CW: 156.5 :bcb_up

GW: I'm good right here!!!!!

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Last October,I went to a black tie dinner in my size 6 beauty of a dress, felt fantastic-DH beaming. It was awesome. I had encounters with 3 people that night that went like this:

#1- (very large overweight relative of mine) said to DH that I looked gaunt- and doesn't he think I've gone "too far"

#2- (another very heavy friend, who I really love) asked me if my whole family was anorexic now or just me

#3- (another very close friend, in pretty good/average shape) "you look collegiate"

 

I don't think I will ever forget that.

It was an eye opener. I have done nothing unhealthy or risky or stupid to get where I am and I am darn proud of what I have accomplished so far.

I felt like 2 million bucks that night, and still do.

Don't worry about the comments- consider the source and move on. If we are doing everything in our power to get and remain healthy-THAT is what matters !!

Keep going-be proud of your accomplishments !

Great job


Bridget

SW 230

CW 151.8:bcb_march

GW 130

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Guest Lea22

Fem.

That sounds so ignorant for him to stay that about your weight loss he should be happy for you not put you down. Well you know Family Members are your worst Enemies. They know how to strike the nerves in you that no one else can. Well I would not have said that about you. He's just jealous because you look better than he does and he should try losing some weight also and he wouldn't have to make those snide remarks and bring down your self-esteem

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Guest starbrite

Femisty-

 

That is absolutely so heartbreaking to hear. I'm very sorry you had to hear that. I know you wantedt o have a smart remark, but I think it is damn strong of you not to have said anything, it made you come across like the better person.

I can completely relate as these are the things I hear from my parents, my siblings, my ex bf, and relatives. It hurts so much. I just can't believe people can say things like this, if they loveyou-shouldn't they love you unconditionally , something as trivial as looks shouldn't matter. My mom would cry and say " i cry myself to sleep bc of how ugly you have gotten, i feel terriblef or you"

my father would just be like "your ugly and fat, go work it out"

they thought it was good encouragement-can you beleive that?!

 

I think that this is a very important stage in our life. We begin to realize that sometimes even our loved ones , look at us and judge us. We can't turn to them for unbiased love, which is very sad to hear. I think we have to lok at ourselves for our motivation , our love and support. Ofcourse if you have a few friends, buddies to support you that is a wonderful help.

 

I truly thinkt hat you can't rely on anyone else in this world, until you know you have yourself to look fter you. If you're not confident in your own mind and body, you can't begin to bring onther's in your life. Even with love, fi you aren't confident in what you want in life, how can you begin to figure out if you and someone else will be good for eachother?!

 

I say take their comments with a grain of salt. If you can ignore them, avoid them if you can. Maybe comment on, how you are working hard to lose the weight, and you need positive encouragement, not negative.

 

My parents call me up every day and ask me what i ate, and how much i weigh. They think that motivates me, it just hurts me and i cry after i hang up with them. I wish i could ignore them and avoid them, but i can't. So I just have decided to respond with "thanks for pointing that out about me, but it doesn't help, I foudn my own way to be encouraged".

 

I told my parents a while ago that hteir comments just make me ignore them, and then ignore the issue altogether, this is why it's taken me 2-3 years to finally want to do something about the weight. But they find it preposterous , and think that they are only trying to help, regardless of how it comes across. I think my family has a really weird dynamic, they think tough love is the only way to care, so I guess i'm stuck.

 

 

I just think some people are really thick in the head and ignorant, some are just morons, and some are just neve going to say anything nice. You just have to know ahead of time that those people will never be nice to you, you will always have a lose lose situation.

 

In your case you lost weight-congratulations :bcb_bravo. but to them it's "you don't look as good anymore". they will always complain no matter waht, so just laugh it off. it's their own insecurities they are trying to fix by hurting you.

 

i'm sorry you have to go through that. i made a thread a while ago called "negative encouragement" got some great feedback there too.

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