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DrJulieAnn

Goals Were Beating Me Up, So I Stopped Having Them

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Now that I have your attention, let me explain....

 

I battle with believing that I need to be perfect in order to be loved. Because of this, I would often set unreal expectations for myself. You know the kind I'm talking about: I will lose 5 pounds each week while working out for 23 hours every day (okay, so I exaggerate...just a little).

 

And then when I didn't live up to those expectations, I'd end up beating myself up, calling myself a total failure, and giving up because obviously I was not capable of achieving "this one little thing."

 

(he, he, he...I know I'm not the only one who engages in this kind of irrational goal-setting, beating oneself up, and then giving up behavior....)

 

But then I changed how I did things. Instead of having a GOAL, I decided to have a VISION of who I am as a healthy person.

 

For instance, healthy person...

 

  • Strives to stay on program every day no matter what the circumstances (My husband doesn't pull up a chair in front of the fridge just because he is stressed out, for instance. He finds solutions to the issues that are stressing him out or just says "No, thank you" without worrying about what other people think when they are pushing food on him)
  • Surrounds themselves with other healthy (or on the path to becoming healthy) people. They know that there is wisdom in the saying "Birds of a feather flock together."
  • Looks at activity as invigorating instead of punishment for being overweight
  • Enjoys the flavor of real foods and is repulsed by frankenfoods (Test Tube Food just can't compare to Mother Nature's "cooking")

There is more to my vision but I think you get the drift. The thing is, having a vision enables me to look at this process AS a process and a journey rather than a test of my will power or abilities. The guilt has been released and I'm free to learn from my mistakes instead of using them as a weapon against myself. And that is key, learning from my mistakes. Because if I don't, I'm doomed to keep repeating them over and over and over again and having the exact same New Year's Resolution every single year.

 

If you are like me...and battle with "all or nothing" kinds of attitudes, I encourage you to give up your goal and create a vision instead.

 

What are some other things we could add to the vision of a healthy person?


Note: I follow the Winning Points program :salut

 

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Looks at food as an answer to hunger, and completely enjoys the experience of eating/savoring that food. :bcb_smile

 

(Rather than looking at food as "anesthesia", and eating it numbed-out, eventually wondering where it went~:bcb_confu :bcb_huh:)

 

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What are some other things we could add to the vision of a healthy person?

 

My vision of a healthy person includes humility and gratitude. The healthy person knows her place in relation to the world. She knows that the world does not revolve around her, yet her world includes relationships that mean the world to her (and to others). The healthy person knows that her life was given to her, she did nothing to get a seat on this planet. But having the seat, she is grateful for the gift. She sees the glass, whether it seems half-full, half-empty, who cares. She is the vessel that carries her own life and she cherishes it and nurtures her life and her body. And on a very practical level, she doesn't give up. Even when she feels like she can't do it (whatever it is) again, or get up again, she does. Because she is worth it.


Sailorwoman

 

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong -- because someday in your life you will have been all of these." (George Washington Carver)

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Hello All,

 

Yes DrJA, I agree with you totally! It is pretty challenging to find that perfect balance between too gung ho and cruel to one's self, and too liberal about food, etc.. I still work on this all the time.

 

It is pretty challenging, but worth it, considering the alternative!

 

I love the idea of having a "vision" of a healthy self, as opposed to a number to achieve.

 

Cheers


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I've been thinking about your topic. Yes, I have a goals thread right now. It is the result of seeing that I need to live an intentional life. When I'm not eating healthy, then I'm tossed to and fro from this feeling to that feeling. I eat unhealthy things and I am on a roller-coaster of highs and lows.

 

Is it the goals that beat you up or the pursuit of perfection? The all or none attitude? Yes, I deal with it and maybe I've not got it all figured out.

 

I've read an article that liked to use "getting stronger" instead of "getting thinner". It is an interesting twist on how you think. Our culture says "thin" is stronger and better. But is it? I don't think so, but do I really believe that? Stronger can speak to many issues, not just food. Exercise and to me it (stronger) is an attitude, a character trait.

 

Could I say Dr. Julie, that you have changed your "goal" to: "Be healthy"?

 

Oh, maybe I'm rambling... I'm off to exercise and get "stronger and healthier," because I want to live life to the fullest.


*Irene* Thin for Life: Yes!

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Irene, I agree that my goal changed to being healthy. That was the promise I made to My Honey and myself a year ago. And I agree with everything you've said. But sometimes a "goal" is too narrowly focused and I think that is where the idea of a vision comes in. The vision helps me keep my perspective, keep the big picture as I achieve health milestones (aka goals). The milestones are the evidence that I am staying true to my vision.

 

It all may simply be semantics...and that is okay with me. BUT just the language change really does relieve me of a lot of "all or nothing" kind of thinking.


Note: I follow the Winning Points program :salut

 

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Irene, I agree that my goal changed to being healthy. That was the promise I made to My Honey and myself a year ago. And I agree with everything you've said. But sometimes a "goal" is too narrowly focused and I think that is where the idea of a vision comes in. The vision helps me keep my perspective, keep the big picture as I achieve health milestones (aka goals). The milestones are the evidence that I am staying true to my vision.

 

It all may simply be semantics...and that is okay with me. BUT just the language change really does relieve me of a lot of "all or nothing" kind of thinking.

 

Okay. I think you're going to love this, Julie.

 

A guy on Dr. Oz. the other day said,

 

"A vision without a plan is an hallucination." :bcb_bigsm:salut

 

 

:bcb_grin

 

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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"A vision without a plan is an halluction." :bcb_bigsm:salut

 

.

 

You're right! I love this!


Note: I follow the Winning Points program :salut

 

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Well, I'm glad you could see past the misspelling, Julie!...:bcb_up :bcb_happy

 

I went back to edit it. :salut:bcb_smile


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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Carol, I was wondering what halluction meant. :bcb_grin


Judy S.

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott

 

SW: 253.4/CW: 160/WWGW: 148/PGW: ?

 

The President's Exercise Challenge:

 

Going for the Bronze-achieved 7/4/2009

20,000 pts.-100%

 

 

Going for the Silver-21220 of 45,000 pts.-47%

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This thread has made me wonder about what happened last year. Until April I was OP for the most part. I was getting close to my "goal", but several things happened. 1. I hurt my upper back and shoulder so much that I couldn't work out or even walk. 2. Finding out that I was very anemic 3. the months of fighting against and then coming to the realization that I had to have a hysterectomy and finally 4. Having the hysterectomy and dealing with a very slow recovery.

 

So, I wonder, why did I drop the OP ball. Was it because I couldn't work-out? The all or none "stinking/thinking"?

 

If I want the SFI program to work, it must work through the good and bad times of life. How do I do this?


*Irene* Thin for Life: Yes!

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Carol, I was wondering what halluction meant. :bcb_grin

 

LOL! :bcb_grin

 

Wasn't that nice of Julie not to point it out?...:kiss:

 

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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This thread has made me wonder about what happened last year. Until April I was OP for the most part. I was getting close to my "goal", but several things happened. 1. I hurt my upper back and shoulder so much that I couldn't work out or even walk. 2. Finding out that I was very anemic 3. the months of fighting against and then coming to the realization that I had to have a hysterectomy and finally 4. Having the hysterectomy and dealing with a very slow recovery.

 

So, I wonder, why did I drop the OP ball. Was it because I couldn't work-out? The all or none "stinking/thinking"?

 

If I want the SFI program to work, it must work through the good and bad times of life. How do I do this?

 

Gee, Irene...that was a heck of a lot to deal with! bcb_sad

 

Ideally, we would all be OP every day. But what about during a natural disaster? At that point, I think you're in survival-mode.:salut

 

Next comes personal tragedies and/or challenges. All we can do is: start where we are, and move forward from there.

 

I think one mistake that's pretty typical is to think that because we've done it ALL before (i.e. staying OP, exercising, following the 9 Greats, etc.) that we can START there again when there has been a break.

 

Instead, I think of it as having many spinning plates in the air. My idea would be: you would get one plate spinning well, and you would add the second plate. You would get the two plates spinning well before you would start the third plate.

 

Or, you could get several plates that are "easy-for-you" spinning first, and then add the more difficult-plates, one after another, as you become successful.

 

It's my special ed training that helps me think of behavior-chains.:salut :bcb_smile

 

But don't be critical of how you handled your April-situations. Give yourself credit for all the things that you did right. :salut

 

And start now, and move forward from here. :salut

 

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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I think that it's about DOING IT NO MATTER WHAT.

 

Having that "no choice" attitude.

 

It's that "committed vs. interested" thing...

 

DECIDING that no matter what comes along, THIS is how I eat! Because this is how I WANT to eat and I LOVE eating this way and I want ALL THE THINGS that come along with eating this way! AND I am WORTH IT!!!!!!

 

I think the reasons we go off plan vary from person to person. If you haven't done the Healthy Habits quiz you might want to do it...it can point you toward your weak area(s)...for some it's not putting yourself first (taking care of yourself), for others it's emotional eating (not managing your feelings)...well you get the idea...there are eight of them.

 

And Julie, I know you were being provocative but I think it's really important to recognize that goals cannot beat us up, WE can beat ourselves up, but goals can't...we can beat ourselves up WITH our goals...but I don't like to see us give power to "things" that have no power over us....

 

I'm going to bump up the committed vs. interested thread. It's good for all of us!


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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And Julie, I know you were being provocative but I think it's really important to recognize that goals cannot beat us up, WE can beat ourselves up, but goals can't...we can beat ourselves up WITH our goals...but I don't like to see us give power to "things" that have no power over us....

 

Actually, you just said what I was trying to say...that I was beating myself up with my goals...

 

I figure I just throw stuff out there and eventually, with everyone's help, we get to the root of what I'm trying to say :bcb_grin

 

Sooo.....I was beating myself up with my highly unrealistic short-term goals. My solution is to instead keep perspective of the big picture goal by holding a vision of what it means to be healthy. As part of this vision I have milestones that let me know that I am on track to achieving my ultimate goal/vision. By keeping a vision, I am able to remain committed no matter what happens in my life. I may have "learning experiences" from time to time, but I'm able to view them as just that: learning experiences that will enable me to achieve my ultimate goal/vision of being healthy. Keeping the big picture also eliminates the "all or nothing" stinking thinking that I had in my quest for perfection.

 

Yes...I think that does a better job of articulation what I was trying to say.

 

Thanks Buddies!! (I can't get the Buddy Smooch icon to show up)


Note: I follow the Winning Points program :salut

 

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Lynn, I've bumped up the interested/committed thread.

 

Is there someplace else that has the healthy habits quiz?

 

Carol, I guess I just felt like all my plates fell and at times I didn't have it in me to keep one plate moving. I got into a survival mode. I realize that most of my life has not had so many things that were dragging me down as they did last year. It is just that I want to keep the plates going when it is good and when life throws the bad.


*Irene* Thin for Life: Yes!

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:buddysmoo(Found it) That's what we're here for Julie!!!!

 

Irene, It seems to me that it's when life is at its WORST that we REALLY need to take care of ourselves!!!!! I think that keeping that in mind during the hard times can REALLY help!!!!!

 

I don't think you can find the quiz elsewhere, it's one of those things you pay for. I'd imagine it's somewhere on the WW site for folks who pay for e-tools....it's in the week 4 book for meeting members.


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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I figure I just throw stuff out there and eventually, with everyone's help, we get to the root of what I'm trying to say :bcb_grin

 

That goes for ALL of us!...LOL! :bcb_grin

 

 

Irene, It seems to me that it's when life is at it's WORST that we REALLY need to take care of ourselves!!!!! I think that keeping that in mind during the hard times can REALLY help!!!!!

 

During a personal tragedy, I had a call in and the person said, "First, are you remembering to eat?" All the questions were, "Are you taking care of yourself?" type questions.

 

It's more important than e-ver to take care of yourself during difficult times. :salut

 

Instead of using the example of: the mother taking oxygen in an airplane so she can take care of others, sometimes you need to take the oxygen in the airplane because you-need-the-oxygen! :bcb_huh:

 

 

 

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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