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KellBell

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Hi Buddies,

 

This is hard for me to admit, but I have to get it out there and start over. I have failed, big time! :bcb_mad2

 

I lost 92 lbs on WW Core plan, it took me about a year and I maintained (pretty close to that amount) for another whole year...I was a machine - I was so motivated, I never cheated, I exercised everyday, walking 4 miles each and every day. I thought I was finally "normal". I looked great, I was fitting into cute clothes, I felt great.

 

Fast forward....around January of this year, I just started sneaking in a treat here and there, next thing I knew I was binging on ice cream and eating whatever I wanted....I wanted so badly to get control before I kept gaining and got back to where I started....everyday I woke up and vowed that this would be the day I would start eating healthy again, but before the end of the day, I was back to eating whatever I wanted.....so today, guess where I am? I'm right back where I started! Yes, it only took me 8 months to gain all my weight back - I feel like crap, I hate the way I look and feel....I'm disgusted with myself! I still wake up everyday and say today is the day I get the control back and it doesn't happen. I wish I knew what switched off in my head, why I lost my control and why I can't get it back??

 

So, what's next? Well I guess I have to try again today to start over. I just want to make it through today and I will take tomorrow as it comes.

 

So today I vow to eat only CORE foods, I vow to get out and walk and I vow to not give in to my cravings.....if I make it through today, each day thereafter will be easier and easier. I know I can do it, I've done it before!

 

Thanks for listening, I just had to get this out there....I've been hiding in shame....NO MORE!


Kelli from MN

 

"change happens one day at a time"

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Hi KellBell

 

Good for you for getting this off your chest & coming back to BCB. You are not alone in having lost & gained. The biggest thing is recognising that you have come off-plan & getting back into the groove.

 

You WILL lose it again. You can do this.

 

I have also gained some pounds back - I am looking to lose about 15lbs. Too many summer treats & not enough planning. I went strictly back OP yesterday & will be here regularly. To me the important thing is taking that first step.

 

Make every day count!

 

Becky

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Thanks Becky! I appreciate your support. I am eating my bowl of oatmeal for breakfast (a little late)....I plan on having soup and salad (with lots of veggies) for lunch, popcorn for a snack and grilled chicken with baked potato and corn on the cob for dinner. I am also going to walk after work- it's a beautiful day, so I'm going to get out there and enjoy it!


Kelli from MN

 

"change happens one day at a time"

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Kelli, I'm glad that you are getting back on track and holding yourself accountable here.

 

In reading what you wrote, I think I might have some idea as to what went wrong for you...

 

FIRST, you did not "fail" and you are not a "failure". You lost weight and then gained it back. Many people have done that. There is no "finish line/deadline" so there can be no "failure". You are still a work in progress. There is a WW saying, "there is no failure only feedback". So this might be some pretty harsh feedback (gaining all the weight back) but you aren't finished yet so it isn't failure, just feedback.

 

What have you learned in the process? I suspect, from what you wrote, that you have had an "all or nothing"/"perfectionistic"/diet mentality. You are ON or you are OFF program. You use words like "cheating". Sounds like you had a pretty rigid schedule etc.

 

SO, I'd say the first thing I'd work on is getting the idea that this is truly a permanent lifestyle change. And that you might not be "perfect" every day and that's okay!

 

Second, the program involves both filling and nonfilling foods (with your APs/WPAs). Eating ONLY filling/core foods is overly restrictive and can lead to going off program. Don't make the program more strict than it is!

 

You don't need to be a "machine". You are human. If you have a slip up, learn from it and get right back on track IMMEDIATELY, not tomorrow.

 

Stop beating yourself up. What would you say to a friend if she did the same thing? Well say those things to YOURSELF!

 

Hope this is helpful! Hang around here and remember that if you do not quit you cannot fail! Another great WW quote. You have not failed because you have NOT given up. Keep working at it moment by moment and you will take the weight off again. Make this a lifestyle you LOVE and you will keep it off for good!


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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Lynn - I wish you were close by to be my WW leader!!! You always know just the right thing to say. We are very lucky to have you here!

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Ahhh - the other "KellBell"!! I hear you girl!! I did the EXACT same thing - Lynn makes a ton of good points and I do have a different mind set this time around - progress and not perfection, taking it one day at a time, treating it more as a lifestyle, etc. We're here -- great user name by the way lol. Hugs ~~ Kellie


5'10" SW 243/CW 212/WW 174/PG 160

~~Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain

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Didn't know we had TWO KellBell/KelBels. I have to say I was a bit confused by that!!! Nice to have you BOTH here!!!! :)


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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Thanks Lynn,

 

This really helps! I am a perfectionist when it comes to "dieting" and you are so right, I'm either on or off, there is no in between. I also know that when I was losing all my weight last time I wasn't doing it the right way to make it a lifestyle change. There were many days when all I ate as popcorn....I was in such a hurry to lose the weight. This time I plan to go slower and really focus on making it a way of life...if I eat something not Core, I will count my WPA's for it and move on, I'm not going to say I cheated or failed (or at least try!)

 

I appreciate the help, I REALLY do!

 

Kelli, I'm glad that you are getting back on track and holding yourself accountable here.

 

In reading what you wrote, I think I might have some idea as to what went wrong for you...

 

FIRST, you did not "fail" and you are not a "failure". You lost weight and then gained it back. Many people have done that. There is no "finish line/deadline" so there can be no "failure". You are still a work in progress. There is a WW saying, "there is no failure only feedback". So this might be some pretty harsh feedback (gaining all the weight back) but you aren't finished yet so it isn't failure, just feedback.

 

What have you learned in the process? I suspect, from what you wrote, that you have had an "all or nothing"/"perfectionistic"/diet mentality. You are ON or you are OFF program. You use words like "cheating". Sounds like you had a pretty rigid schedule etc.

 

SO, I'd say the first thing I'd work on is getting the idea that this is truly a permanent lifestyle change. And that you might not be "perfect" every day and that's okay!

 

Second, the program involves both filling and nonfilling foods (with your APs/WPAs). Eating ONLY filling/core foods is overly restrictive and can lead to going off program. Don't make the program more strict than it is!

 

You don't need to be a "machine". You are human. If you have a slip up, learn from it and get right back on track IMMEDIATELY, not tomorrow.

 

Stop beating yourself up. What would you say to a friend if she did the same thing? Well say those things to YOURSELF!

 

Hope this is helpful! Hang around here and remember that if you do not quit you cannot fail! Another great WW quote. You have not failed because you have NOT given up. Keep working at it moment by moment and you will take the weight off again. Make this a lifestyle you LOVE and you will keep it off for good!


Kelli from MN

 

"change happens one day at a time"

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Thanks to the other 'KelBel' ha!ha! I'm Kelli and I see you are Kellie - maybe I'll change my sig to Kelli from MN to avoid confusion between us :) I appreciate your support!

 

Ahhh - the other "KellBell"!! I hear you girl!! I did the EXACT same thing - Lynn makes a ton of good points and I do have a different mind set this time around - progress and not perfection, taking it one day at a time, treating it more as a lifestyle, etc. We're here -- great user name by the way lol. Hugs ~~ Kellie

Kelli from MN

 

"change happens one day at a time"

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Hi Killi,

 

I agree most heartily with all that others have written. One comment I would make is to allow yourself a treat from time to time--save up points for it and enjoy. Sticking so strictly to just Core foods is not realistic, IMO. You have to live outside the box occasionally and it doesn't have to mean failure.

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Great point mamawwentz, AND it is this week's meeting topic...just say "no" to saying "no"! We all need a treat now and then. It's what makes it a lifestyle not a diet! Planned for and in control (vs. a trigger food/out of control thing).


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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Kelli, I just wanted to jump in here and give you a hug and a salute for being honest and strong. I was the thinnest of my adult life last summer and then ate my way through some personal problems this past winter and spring. I was preparing for a full marathon and running almost 18 miles on my long runs but now I gasp for breath and my knees are sore from the extra weight. I threw away all my fat clothes and now I live in spandex but feel like a sausage in its casing these days. I wake up feeling the same as you said, that it has to end. I was OP for the entire month of July and didn't lose an ounce. I knew there were physical/medical reasons for the scale not moving but I let the disappointment derail me and now I have a few more to lose.

 

I do feel there is some benefit to associating positive, strong feelings with being OP and negative loss of control feelings with being not OP. I think the bingers have a different mindset than general overeaters. We need to hold on to some black and white thinking because that's really your best bet at averting a binge. There's no escaping the fact that you cannot possibly feel good about yourself when you eat a half gal on of ice cream, btdt. But if staying OP is associated with feeling good about ourselves and its the only hardwired connection there, then it's important to hold on to that and run with it.


Kimberley

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Thanks Kimberly and all my buddies!

 

I knew I could count on you all for support. I agree that with my personality, I am and all or nothing type gal...that I do have to stay away from the treats for a while, I am not capable of stopping at a serving - at least not now, maybe that will come with time. I sure hope so.....I can't imagine life forever without ice cream (and yes, I would eat the whole half gallon!)

 

One issue that I know has factored into my cravings going out of control is menopause - but it's only a small part of it....I know most of it with me is mental and I just have to get my mind in the right place again!

 

Kelli, I just wanted to jump in here and give you a hug and a salute for being honest and strong. I was the thinnest of my adult life last summer and then ate my way through some personal problems this past winter and spring. I was preparing for a full marathon and running almost 18 miles on my long runs but now I gasp for breath and my knees are sore from the extra weight. I threw away all my fat clothes and now I live in spandex but feel like a sausage in its casing these days. I wake up feeling the same as you said, that it has to end. I was OP for the entire month of July and didn't lose an ounce. I knew there were physical/medical reasons for the scale not moving but I let the disappointment derail me and now I have a few more to lose.

 

I do feel there is some benefit to associating positive, strong feelings with being OP and negative loss of control feelings with being not OP. I think the bingers have a different mindset than general overeaters. We need to hold on to some black and white thinking because that's really your best bet at averting a binge. There's no escaping the fact that you cannot possibly feel good about yourself when you eat a half gal on of ice cream, btdt. But if staying OP is associated with feeling good about ourselves and its the only hardwired connection there, then it's important to hold on to that and run with it.


Kelli from MN

 

"change happens one day at a time"

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Kelli, I am also a (former) binger. AND I am definitely perimenopausal too. I believe a good deal of it is mental but I also believe there is a big physical aspect to it that Simply Filling REALLY helps with. I agree that having strong positive associations with being on program is important but I don't think there is anything helpful about all or nothing/perfectionistic thinking. Being on program is one thing. Being "perfect" is another. I am ALL for being on program all the time. BUT if you go off program OR in any way feel you aren't following the plan perfectly, you need to not get into the all or nothing/perfectionistic thinking such that you DO binge. I spent many, many years as a binge eater, so I really do know what it is like to get seriously into that on program/off program extreme kind of thinking. Hope that is makes sense. SFT is a pretty liberal program and I think that really helps those of us with the binge issues. It is pretty easy to stay within the bounds of the program and avoid that legalistic/extreme/on vs. off program thinking that so often leads to bingeing.

 

How are you doing since your initial post? (you don't necessarily need to answer, just know that I am interested in your progress) :)

 

Progress not perfection, remember!!


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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I just want to reiterate that I live by the BCB philosophy of being on program all the time.

 

I don't think that is the same as all or nothing/perfectionistic thinking though.

 

I'd be happy to have a discussion about the differences between the two if anyone is interested :)

 

Of course if you DO choose to go off program, you need to be able to deal with it in a way that doesn't make it worse. And in a way that helps you get back ON program immediately.

 

I highly recommend reading the BCB philosophy to ALL buddies!


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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Lynn, for me I'm either on program or off. There's no in between. I'm not just a few points over and in a grey area. I'd I put in the work to be OP, then it takes care of itself. It's not perfectionism or all or nothing. Some days my choices are better than others but that still falls under the OP umbrella. But when I'm not OP, I'm either in a full blown binge cycle or hovering on the edge. So, I do need that anchor of being OP because without it, I'm adrift on a binge ocean. I don't think that being OP is about perfectionism when there's so much freedom in the program to make unlimited permutations of choices each day! You don't have to be perfect to stay OP!!


Kimberley

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I don't have any awesome advise, I think Lynn has covered that. :) I just wanted to say I also understand where you're coming from. Hopefully we all can learn to keep a happy balance. I want to keep this plan livable. My biggest issue is getting side tracked and then not getting back on track right away. I keep telling myself I won't let it happen this time. Its been a month and my wight loss has been slow, but I'm feeling really good this time. I haven't binged once. And if I do for whatever reason I will not let it go past that moment. :)


Brandy, 29 years old, 5'7"

 

sw: 223

cw: 192

gw: 150

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Lynn, for me I'm either on program or off. There's no in between. I'm not just a few points over and in a grey area. I'd I put in the work to be OP, then it takes care of itself. It's not perfectionism or all or nothing. Some days my choices are better than others but that still falls under the OP umbrella. But when I'm not OP, I'm either in a full blown binge cycle or hovering on the edge. So, I do need that anchor of being OP because without it, I'm adrift on a binge ocean. I don't think that being OP is about perfectionism when there's so much freedom in the program to make unlimited permutations of choices each day! You don't have to be perfect to stay OP!!

 

I guess we're saying the same thing Kimberley, because I'd agree that one is either on program or off. and I also agree that you don't have to be perfect to stay OP. I guess that was a major point I was making! And maybe what you are saying is why I choose to always be on program (even if not "perfectly"). Not sure what would happen if I went "off"! ;-) Though I'd like to think I could turn it around quickly!

 

I guess that's one of the things I love about SFT/core and why I've been so successful with it (after a life of eating disorder type problems, basically binge eating disorder), that it is actually quite easy for me to stay on program, since the bounds of on program are quite wide and you certainly don't have to be *perfect* to be on program all the time!

 

 

Actually, rereading what you wrote, off program meaning being full blown off program sounds exactly like what WW and other cognitive therapy sources would describe as all or nothing thinking. You are either on (perfectly or not) or WAY off. That's all or nothing thinking and obviously the kind of thing people need to resolve in order to be successful long term. I shouldn't lump perfectionism with all or nothing thinking as they aren't exactly the same.


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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The MINUTE you are on-program again you are going to feel soooooooooo much better. :salut:bcb_happy

 

.


May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering.

 

Check out my website! Plant-Powered.com :bcb_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wow, this is amazing. I got on here to start on thread on how I have failed once again to stick to CORE, and to try and talk about why, because I really want this to work. And someone else is already there. I am perimenopausal as well. I always start CORE, do it for a few weeks, don't lose anything, and then the sugar creeps in. I don't know how to have sugary things occasionally as treats. It happens with the points system too. But I don't want to give up sugar and flour if I don't have to. Is there another way, truly, for bingers and black and white thinkers like me?

 

Kelli, thank you for getting out here with "my" issue before I did, and showing me I am not alone. And to all of you for your replies. I will read them over several times today and try again.

 

I'm amazed and humbled. I'm taking it as a sign that I don't have to stop doing CORE. Or maybe that I can REALLY do CORE.

 

Thanks again.


:bcbkickbu Mini-Goal

 

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Miri, you CAN do core. Watch the negative self talk. Telling yourself you are a binger and black and white thinker seems like negative self talk to me. You CAN change those things! I think of myself as a former binger. I definitely have binge tendencies and absolutely met the criteria for a dx of binge eating disorder in the past. As for black and white thinking, MANY of us engage in negative thinking at times and have certain tendencies but changing that is part of the WW program too! It isn't just about the food plan. The other parts, helpful habits, tools for living, HELP you DO the food plan!

 

Thinking you "failed" is all or nothing thinking. You made mistakes. You got off track. "Failure" sounds so final! You are on a path, making progress toward a goal. You need to keep moving in the right direction even if you got off track. The journey didn't end, you did not quit. That would be more like failure.

 

You don't have to give up flour and sugar but if they tend to take you off program you might want to limit them or eliminate them for a while. One way I handle those types of foods is to have them in the evening. I just sort of do this and take it for granted, but I also read about it in a book in the past too. If you have sugar/flour issues such that they are triggers, having a small treat with those things in the evening is a good way to go. You are asleep when you might be triggered. It helps with the purely psychological issues too, same way. For me, if I had a sugary/floury treat earlier in the day, I'd be thinking of having more all day long. It's just how I work.

 

I have gotten to the point where I associate eating stuff like that with so much anxiety etc. that I just don't WANT them. I do eat lite ice cream sometimes in the evening and that works well for me.

 

The other way I handle stuff is making substitutions with filling foods. They aren't triggers for me and even if I eat a bit too much of them I am fine.

 

Managing your environment (one of the helpful habits) is also a huge part of this. Don't have foods in the house (office, car) that you don't want to eat!

 

AND PLEASE stop thinking "failure"....if you went for a walk and tripped, and perhaps even fell down, would you say you "failed" at your walk? No, you'd get up and keep walking.


Lynn

 

I bike for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

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I want to say "WELCOME BACK"!!!!

I applaud you for coming back!

That right there SCREAMS SUCCESS!!!!

 

I can relate with how you feel.

I have struggled with overeating ALL of my life.

I have had some real fears as I am approaching goal.

I don't want to ever be 233 again!!!

But WW alone will not change me.

WW is just a tool.

I NEED to have my mind renewed in this are regarding food, emotions, stres, and my body.

Celebrate recovery is a Christian program that is heping me do this.

I encourage you to look it up and see if there are meetings in your area.

I am doing the booklets onmy own and I am reading and journaling through book calle, "Life's Healing Choices".


SW 233

CW 168

GW 155

Gluten, Dairy, Nuts, Soy, Grain intolerant, nightshade allergie too

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