I haven't posted for almost a year and a half. In that time, I have had a second child, lost and gained weight. Exercised and not. Gone on anti-depressants. Laughed,lived, traveled.
The universe helped me out by allowing me to catch part of an NPR show recently. An author named David Kessel wrote a book about over eating. Some of my take always were that certain foods are addicting to certain people - much like alcohol. There are some people who forget to have lunch and then there are people who think about lunch while eating breakfast. Many foods are designed to increase eating. Food is not a friend.
This shook me from my denial sleep.
I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who has been in AA for over 15 years. We talked a lot about addiction, support, and taking care of yourself. As I was leaving she said to me, "Find a group. If you go it alone you are going to keep doing what you do."
Bootcamp buddies has supported me before and I would like to ask for support again.
I am 39 yo and would like to not be addicted to food anymore. I would like to have one piece of pizza and say...that's enough. I would like not to have to pour soap onto extra cake so that I don't eat it.
But the truth of the matter is that my issues come out with my eating (not - drugs, spending, shoplifting, drinking, cutting, or sex). So, I need a plan and a way other than food to deal with my life. Today I am going to take 4baby steps towards a healthy life.
1. This post where I admit to this community and myself that I need help and I am obese. The 20 or 30 pounds I would like to loose is now 55. No one is going to take care of this issue but me.
2. I am going to research the new core
3. I am going to eat in a mindful way.
4. I am going to post again if Ineed to today and will check in tomorrow.
Am sending the biggest and most heartfelt salut!!