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RedLeslie

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  1. I adore them. A dab of tomato sauce, a sprinkle of Italian seasoning and a bit of fat free mozzarella. Yumm!
  2. I had the same problem a few days ago. I gave up. I've also noticed that when I use the 'New Posts' button, I now get only 50 posts instead of the usual 75. I don't have any answers; maybe a moderator or power user can enlighten us. If given a choice, I want my search max to go back to 75.
  3. Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.... Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming.
  4. A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the w waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a sa lad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of m oney would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or somethin g , but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.. The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
  5. One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, as only a mother would know... 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'
  6. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include: Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash. Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker . Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends. The Bee Gees -- - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face. Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom. Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair. Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Lik e Napping. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone. Abba--- Denture Queen. Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall. Helen Reddy ---I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore. Leslie Gore---It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To. And Last but NOT least Willie Nelson ---On the Commode Again
  7. Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road carefully, got out of the car andopened the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers. As I expected, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?" "My car has a flat tire", I said calmly. "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him......... "Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"
  8. The convenience store cappuccino is made with water. I would think the points value would be similar to those for International Coffees.
  9. I love mine. It's neater and easier than the sealing machines. It takes up less room too. I love being able to open a bag then reseal; no more having to guess just how many portions to put in each bag. I have found that occassionally a bag doesn't hold the vacuum seal but it hasn't caused any problems. I just switch out the bags.
  10. OMG!!!! I made this last night and it was so awesome!! Thanks for posting this. BTW, I forgot to put in the vinegar so don't worry if you substitute or just have a senior moment like me.
  11. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it Women's restroom Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
  12. Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? Woman's Answer:One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to findthe stupidlight bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP ORCARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! I'm sorry. What was the question?
  13. http://users.telenet.be/leukelinks/flash/queen.htm Speakers on. You won't be disappointed. Nuf said!
  14. Very good! Probably based on a true story...
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